The following is a report on the practical applications of Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy's new book, Loving Your Child Too Much: How to Keep a Close Relationship with Your Child without Overindulging, Overprotecting, or Overcontrolling, (Integrity Publishers, 2006).

It’s only natural to be passionately in love with your children, and all kids deserve that kind of love from their parents. But while you shouldn’t ever limit the amount of love you give your children, you do need to watch the ways you express that love. If your love leads you to overprotect, overindulge, or overcontrol your kids, that’s not healthy.

Here’s how you can love your kids in healthy ways that lead to positive relationships between you:

Embrace grace. Realize that everyone makes mistakes, and that all parents can sometimes be guilty of overprotecting, overindulging, or overcontrolling their children. Know that, in Jesus, there is no condemnation. As you examine your relationship with your kids, talk to God about the ways in which you need help, and accept the mercy and grace that He offers you. Rely on His strength to change, and trust Him to be with you along the way to better relationships with your kids.

Understand your motives. Reflect on what might be motivating you to express your love for your kids in unhealthy ways. Invite God to show you what issues from your past or present stresses may be affecting how you relate to them. Then release them to God, and pursue the healing He offers.

Stop overprotecting them. Don’t lie about tough, real-life issues; always tell the truth, in age-appropriate ways. Don’t rescue your kids from situations that can teach them more about accountability, responsibility, and the consequences of their decisions. Let your kids take care of tasks they should do themselves, and require them to help with household chores on a regular basis. Refuse to fight their battles for them; let them learn how to solve problems and deal effectively with conflict by working through their own issues. Encourage them to tackle challenges and gently push them keep going when situations get tough, even if they sometimes fail. Help them learn from disappointment.

Teach them that, even though life can be painful, they can find joy through God’s grace. Let them know that, even though the world can be a dangerous place, generally it’s not that dangerous. Assure your kids that they are fully capable of giving and receiving love. Encourage them to learn the valuable emotional and spiritual lessons that suffering can teach. Ask God to give you the wisdom to effectively balance freedoms and restrictions in your children’s lives during each stage of childhood and the teen years. Give your adult children complete autonomy, but always keep praying for them.