There is a silent wedge that often weasels its way between parents and kids during the later teen years. It is the Magic of 18.
Whether it is in the water, the air, or the last few swigs of Mountain Dew, the message is clear – big things are going to happen when you turn 18.
Oh yeah.
When you turn 18, you can vote.
When you turn 18, you can buy cigarettes.
There is a lot of hype about turning 18. Sometimes it comes from the culture, other times it comes from the schools.
When our son was a senior in high school and facing a third knee surgery, we told him to make plans to keep up with his classes, especially calculus. "Get extra help," I said. "Find a tutor, if you need to. Do whatever it takes."
A week after he returned to school I said, "How’s calculus?"
"Calculus?"
"Yes, calculus."
"Oh, I’m not in the class."
"What do you mean you’re not in the class?"
"You said do whatever it takes and it took dropping the class." (Score one for the power of literal interpretation.)
"Why didn’t we know about this?" I asked.
"The counselor said I could make any change I wanted and that you and Dad didn’t need to know because I am 18."
Yes, big things do happen when you’re 18 – and your mother exploding may be one of them.
I told him we didn’t care what the Twenty-Something counselor in stiletto heels at the local high school said, we still needed to be in on major decisions.
When young men in my father’s generation turned 18, vast numbers of them were on ships bound for World War II. Some at the front of my generation were headed to Viet Nam. And today, a smattering but significant number of 18-year-olds headed to military service as well. But times have changed and, for the most part, today’s 18 is not your father’s 18. From 15 years of teaching college students, I can tell you that young people are maturing later. They may be more sophisticated, but they are not more mature.
Maturity means full development. Included in this maturity would be delayed gratification. Their sophistication may be impressive, but sophistication is an exterior -- it is not the same as the internal maturation process. This is not a slam, it is a reflection of a societal shift. Young people have been cocooned, sent from this organized group with people like them, to another organized group with people like them, and had structure here and structure there. They have had so many of the lumps of life removed from their path that a large portion of real life experiences have been delayed. They are still maturing. They are not ready to be completely cut lose and start running the family farm. At the time of launch they may be 18, but they are still a work in progress.
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Lori Borgman
There's a lot of hype about turning 18. But are our kids really ready to cut ties with mom and dad at 18?
The email intro to this article. Yes, at 18 the second time around, i.e,. 36. Maybe. If they need a third time (54), there's a serious problem.
My thesaurus says a synonym for "sophisticated" is "worldly-wise" and mentions that world to be materially-oriented. Oh-oh. Un-biblical to the max!
I was 18 in the Viet Nam era, when most of my peers were clamoring for the vote and drinking rights. I was opposed, figuring we lacked the maturity. Perhaps I was dodging the responsibility, which is a sign of the same thing.
Done right, we will raise young adults who will try their wings gradually, but double-check with the nest before making major moves!