KC was the only friend bold enough to challenge me: "What do you want to be like if you never get married?"
Other friends skirted the issue, encouraged me to wait for the right guy (who was surely out there somewhere), tried to set me up with the ones they thought were the best. But KC did me a great service by challenging me to face the truth I'd become a master at dodging.
Here's the truth: You and I may not get married - or remarried, as the case may be.
(We're getting the worst part over first.)
Call me a pessimist, a glass-half-empty girl, a little-faith. But I had to accept this truth before I could fully enjoy all the blessings God's given me now.
God promises to provide all of our needs. He promises to always be with us. He doesn't promise each of us a husband or a wife.
I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't hope, but there's a wonderful freedom that comes when you face your worst fear head-on and - with God's grace - move beyond it. If you don't accept the truth that you may not marry, you run the risk of missing the best God has to give you.
A friend confessed to me once, "Well, I went to college and didn't really worry about what I was studying because I thought I'd graduate and get married. But I didn't. So I got a job as a secretary and kept thinking that I'd meet the right guy then. When that didn't happen, I didn't really know what to do. So then I went to nursing school. I kept thinking I'd meet him, that God would bring him into my life. But I graduated from nursing school without meeting anyone so I went ahead and got a job." She met her husband a few years later, but she missed so much during those in-between years.
I listened to another woman share a testimony on a retreat: "I didn't want to buy a house because that was something that I was going to do with my husband some day. And then I finally bought a condo, but I didn't decorate it, because that was something I wanted to do with him. I didn't get married until I was 34. I missed so much. My advice to you: don't wait. Live your life now."
Like these examples, too many of us miss the blessings God’s given us today because we're waiting for what may come tomorrow. Do you want your life to be like that?
What this boils down to is managing your expectations. If you expect to be married and are always looking for Ms. or Mr. Right around the next bend in the road, you'll be constantly disappointed if they’re not there. The older you get, the more anxious you become, and the more you begin to question God's faithfulness. (God, in fact, is faithful. It's our perceptions and the requirements we put on him that need adjustment.)
If you accept the truth that you may not marry, much of the anxiety you deal with will go away. You become free to buy a new Jetta or the perfect gray house on Grace Street without worrying about what someone else might think of that decision. You plan a trip to Puerto Rico with friends instead of waiting for a honeymoon. And you become free to dream about the endless possibilities of life.
You're thankful for what you have, rather than wondering when you'll get what you really want. And should God choose to bless you with marriage, you will have lost nothing. You will have cherished your years of freedom - something many people miss.
You may not get married: This harsh reality is the first step to freedom.
Copyright Lori Smith, 2000 – 2003
Lori Smith lives in northern VA where she frequents a local ballet studio, hikes in the Shenandoahs, and throws the occasional pity party. Find more of her writing and preview The Single Truth at www.thesingletruth.org.