If you don't like the way I'm driving, YOU come get these handcuffs off!

If you are close enough to read this, I am close enough to slam on my brakes and sue you.

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.

Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.

Drive defensively - buy a tank.

Don't make me mad - I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.

I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!

Where are we going and what am I doing in this handbasket?

On the back of an old pickup: If this truck was a horse, I'd have to shoot it.

I brake for tailgaters. Hard.

If you can read this, you are in phaser range.

Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is.

FREE TIBET! (with the purchase of a 44 oz. drink).

My kid was Prisoner of the Month at Orange County Jail.

*Get in - buckle up - pipe down - and hold on!