"Smoking helps you lose weight -- one lung at a time!"

"Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!"

"Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!"

"In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!"

"If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!"

"How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?"

"Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!"

"A plastic surgeon's office is the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!"

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.