..you try to do a few pushups and discover that certain body parts refuse to leave the floor.

..your children look through your wedding album and want to know who Daddy's first wife was.

..you get winded just saying the words "six-kilometer run."

..you come to the conclusion that, if God really wanted you to touch your toes each morning, He would have put them somewhere around your knees.

..you analyze your body honestly and decide what you should develop first is your sense of humor.

..you step on a talking scale and it says, "Come back when you're alone."

..to you, "Itsy-Bitsy Teenie-Weenie Yellow Polka dot Bikini" and "The Impossible Dream" become the same song.

..you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.