Your kids make jokes about burping and you think it's funny.

"You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE
hangs up on YOU! "

Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet . . . you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out
of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.

You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars . . .