The Washington POST holds a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.  Some of the winning entries for 2001:

Coffee (n.):  a person who is coughed upon
Flabbergasted (adj.):  appalled over how much weight  you have gained

Abdicate (v.):  to give up all hope of ever having a  flat stomach

Esplanade (v.):  to attempt a conversation while drunk

Negligent (adj.):  describes a condition in which one absently  opens the door while wearing a nightie

Lymph (v.):  to walk with a lisp

Balderdash (n.):  a rapidly receding hairline

Oyster (n.):  A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions