I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

My figure does nothing for me, so why should I do anything for it?

Diet is 'die' with a T.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and fat are really good friends.

Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

I am not fat! I am big boned.

Mama taught me to clean my plate; she didn't teach me not to pile it high.

I'm thinking of all the starving children in China, like Mama said.

Forget health foods. I need all the preservatives I can get.