No one has a better command of language than the person who knows just when to talk and when to be quiet.

I put all my money into taxes. They're the only thing that's sure to go up

There's a place in Harvard Square that sells "experienced" clothing. I always get a chuckle out of that.

If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag.

I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

One of the things I didn't want to be when I grew up was wrinkled.

My dog can lick anyone.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents.