Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those absolute hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, madam," came the reply. . . "That one's called a mirror."
Mike: There's one word that decribes my wife--temperamental.
Greg: In what way?
Mike: She fifty percent temper, and fifty percent mental.
The trumpet player had been blasting away all day, when there was a knock on his door.
"I live next door to you," the man explained. "Do you know I work nights?"
"No," said the trumpet player, but if you hum a few bars, I'll get the melody."
Fran: My sister is black and blue, because she puts on cold cream, face cream, wrinkle cream, vanishing cream, hair cream, and skin cream every night.
Rhoda: But why does that make her black and blue?
Fran: She keeps slipping out of bed.
Mrs Jones: My husband beats me up every morning.
Mrs Smith: My gosh! How terrible!
Mrs Jones: Yes, he gets up at seven and I get up at eight.
