Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road.  
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.  

Men: read Crichton, watch Brit Hume, play golf.  
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.  

Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.  
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school.  

Men: balance their checkbooks.  
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.  

Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.  
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.  

Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers. (Too Late!) 
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.  

Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.  
Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call.  

Men: start their own businesses.  
Guys: quit their jobs.