Welcome to Minnesota!

The following are a few tips for anyone moving to this great state...

First, the West Nile fever season here is really short. Ditto, malaria and any other disease carried by mosquitoes.

At first, you may think snow is pretty. Snow is not pretty! By December you will feel as if you are living in a black – and - white movie. And there is a lot of snow! Deep snow! Deep snow that doesn't go away. The reason Northwest Airlines paints its tails red is so they can find the stupid things.

You will find new loves here. One of them will be underwear that goes all the way down to your ankles. Any underwear above the ankle is considered lingerie.

When you pack to come to Minnesota, you need only to bring one short sleeved shirt (and that's only in case you want to fly back home for vacation). Short-sleeved shirts are handed down here from generation. The short-sleeved shirt season here begins July 26 and is pretty much wrapped up by 3:30 on the 28th.

We play a game here called hockey as well. Hockey coaches will kidnap your children before they even start school, so beware. They'll return them in April. As for baseball we never know if we have a team or not.

Minnesota has more than 10,000 lakes, hundreds of thousands of miles of rivers and streams, millions of acres of forest, and one Krispy Kreme. Guess where everybody wants to go?

And do not call the homicide division to a your local restaurant because of what you see behind the bar. That's only a jar of pickled pig's feet.