1. I was thinking about one of the status symbols of today -- those pagers that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door opener.

2. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on Coke cans!

3. I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

4. I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust"

5. I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease....that's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

6. You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

7. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

8. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . A Good Doctor!

9. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these people? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

10. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me, they are cramming for their finals!