Why are things typed up but written down?

How is it that "it was an uphill battle" and "it went downhill from there" mean the same thing?

We had Cured Ham for Christmas dinner. We all wondered what illness it was cured of.

Why do people say they "worked like a dog"? Our dog just sat around all day.

When our kids were younger and they got a little crazy, my wife used a nice, safe playpen. When they calmed down, she climbed out.

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out that wheels on luggage would be a good idea?

I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat.

I used to watch golf on TV during the weekend, but my doctor told me I needed more exercise ... so now I watch tennis.

Why are you "in" a movie, but you're "on" TV?

How come you never see Cupid with a girlfriend?

I saw a sign the other day that said "Life is one contradiction after another." Someone had written in under it, "No, it's not."

Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?

I'm going to try the Atkins diet in 2003, because my end no longer justifies the jeans. Or something like that.