I just got back from a pleasure trip -
I drove my wife to the airport!

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years ... then we met.

Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.  I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"

Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

Dyslexia means never having to say that you're yrros.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

I see your IQ test results were negative.

Regular naps prevent old age .....
especially if you take them while driving.

I don't approve of political jokes...
I've seen too many of them get elected.

How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?

I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

The most precious thing we have is life.
Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first.

Travel is very educational.  I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven different languages.