Why shouldn't you tell a secret to a pig?
He's a squealer.

What kind of paper makes you itch?
Scratch paper.

What doesn't get any wetter no matter how hard it rains?
The ocean.

What do you call a calf after it's six months old?
Seven months old.

How does a boat show affection?
It hugs the shore.

What goes up and down but doesn't move?
A staircase.

What can you hold without ever touching it?
A conversation.

What kind of animal doesn't believe anything?
Sheep. They always say, "Bah!"

What did the doc say when he finished the operation?
"That's enough out of you."

What's the difference between a pear and a pearl?
The letter L.

What piece of wood is like a king?
A ruler.

Where can you always find money?
In the dictionary.

When is a man like a dog?
When he's a boxer.

What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.

What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.

What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?
Bugs Bunny.

What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?
His powder puff is on the wrong end.

Where does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.

Who can jump higher than a house?
Anyone. A house can't jump.

What kind of beans won't grow in a garden?
Jelly beans.

Why is a crossword like a quarrel?
One word leads to another.