Researchers said Wednesday that birds sleep with one eye open and half of their brain awake.

The only other living thing known to do this is the Government Employee in its natural daytime habitat.

One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government.  The boy turns to his father and asks, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?"

The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about half of them."

A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're all government workers!

Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin?

It won't work and you can't fire it.

Do you know why a Civil Service never goes to the window and checks the weather in the morning?
He'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.