"The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the LORD."
Proverbs 18:22 (NLT)

Well, I just got married eleven years ago.

After only a week of dating, my wife told me that she loved me. And of course, I said, "Thank you."

I actually proposed to my wife by accident. We were both living in Chicago. One night while having dinner she told me she wanted to move back to Michigan.

I said, "Well, would you stay in Chicago if we were married?"

She said, "Well, we're not married."

I said, "Well, if we were."

She said, "Well, we're not."

I said, "Well, marry me."

How romantic.

I was in a mall in Wichita, Kansas, buying her an engagement ring when a tornado hit. That'll make you rethink things.

"Yeah, I'd like to buy an engagement ring."

WHOOSH --- the building shakes, the roof lifts off.

"Okay, maybe not."

"Lord, what are you trying to say to me? That it's a whirlwind romance? I'm trying to read the signs. It's a tornado --- a large funnel of wind. Is this a mother-in-law joke?"

Marriage is a lot like a tornado. If you know your spouse is upset about something you've done, this is called "a tornado watch." This means if you don't watch your behavior until the "tornado watch" passes, then you could cause a tornado.

Now, a tornado warning is different than a tornado watch. During a tornado warning someone may call or drop by and you discreetly tell them "you've had an argument." The tornado has been spotted. You need to let your friends know for their own protection.

After a tornado occurs in your relationship, there is usually a strange quietness that occurs in the home. You both feel stupid and foolish for acting like weather.

If you're in your car when a tornado occurs, do not try to outrun the tornado. This tactic doesn't work because the tornado is usually in the passenger seat or (worst case scenario) behind the wheel.

I'm from California where earthquakes are more common than tornados. Relationships often have earthquakes also. The relationship earthquake is caused by an abrupt release of strain that has been building up over a long time. This is where we get the phrase "he really blew his top." If you don't talk to your spouse about things, then a relationship earthquake is quite possible and could cause extensive property damage (mostly dishes flying across the room).

The new earthquake safety rule is lay next to something large, like a couch or, if you're outside, your car. This way when a structure collapses the object will incur the blow and there will be what is called a triangle of life where you will be saved.

This same rule can be applied to marriage. There is a fight coming. You don't know if it's going to be a tornado or an earthquake, but either way when you have a fight with your wife you should stand next to a couch or a car. (Because you'll be sleeping in one or the other.)

Most likely, during the tornado fight, you'll be on the couch. During a tornado fight you're spouse will pace in a circle and let off a lot of steam.

During an earthquake fight you will definitely need the car because dishes will be broken, things will be thrown and you'll need the car to drive for stitches.

So, if you're married and you feel like your marriage is experiencing a cloudy day, just be thankful it's not a tornado or an earthquake.

Before we married, my father-in-law gave us $10,000 and said we could have a wedding or keep the money.

I opted for keeping the money.

My wife opted for marrying someone else.

She said, "We have to have wedding pictures."

That can be done without a wedding.

Apparently, she wasn't familiar with the concept of pretend.

I learned a lot about planning weddings. I learned that something's gone awry if there's a Motel 6 or a Denny's involved.

We got married in a little chapel in Ventura, California. It was a hot day, all the doors were open and in the middle of our vows, a Harley drove by causing us to pause.

I nearly said, "There's my ride --- gotta go."

It's an old stock-line.

My wife said she would have walked out had I said it.

So, just think --- I wouldn't be married today if I were a hack comedian.

Now, I've been married eleven years, we have a four-year-old daughter and last week we bought a station wagon. All the better to lay next to during an earthquake.

Thor Ramsey is the host of the T.V. comedy show,  Bananas.
Watch it free online!