Film projectors always work before the class meeting begins.

The probability of the preacher tripping over the mike cord is greater on "Bring A Friend" Sunday than any other week.

The largest Bible Class will show up when the teacher feels his/her worst.

No matter how many bulletins you print, you'll always need one more.

A member living 15 miles away will be 15 minutes early; Members living two blocks will be 15 minutes late.

Saying "Let us Pray" or singing "Just as I Am" causes babies to cry.

The shorter the agenda, the longer the business meeting.

Business meetings ALWAYS last at least 15 minutes longer than they should. (So do some sermons)

Church committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting. (William Spurgeon)

When you answer the Bible teacher's question right, nobody remembers; when you are wrong, nobody forgets.

The longest Scripture readings always come with the longest sermons.

The furnace only fails when the outside temperature is more than 20 degrees below zero. The air conditioner only fails when the outside temperature is 90 degrees or above.

When the preacher misspeaks in a sermon, at least half of those taking notes will write the remark down as an important thought from the sermon.