Renegade Alien Bovines a Potential National Threat?
GUERNSEY, NEW JERSEY – Officials at the North American Bovine Watch Association (NABWA) have issued a new warning level in the continuing watch of a potential invasion of renegade alien bovines in the nation's homeland.
The warning level has been raised one color code to "Red Sindhi," meaning all North American inhabitants should remain vigilant, prepared, and ready to deter potential renegade alien bovine attacks.
"We are encouraging the public at large to stay alert and to exercise caution in handling all milk-related products, but not to panic," advises NABWA Chief Deputy Officer, Lawrence Longhorn. "At a Red Sindhi level, there will be increased surveillance of critical locations, coordination of emergency plans, and the continuing assessment of characteristics of threat and the enforcement of pre-planned protective measures."
The impending attacks are being closely monitored, as a widespread galactic extremist group of renegade alien bovines remain vehemently opposed to the usage of recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone in North American food processing. These radical followers of Holy Cow have threatened nothing short of expiration on any family farmer or consumer who supports the practice of treating cows with rBGH or participates in supporting rBGH through consumption.
Various alleged incidents in the past month have contributed to NABWA raising the warning level to its current status. At a recent Crosswalk.com chat featuring musician Kevin Max (dc Talk), chatters were subjected to possible surveillance and chat infiltration when discussion of renegade alien bovines occurred spontaneously, and without warning, during normally scheduled chat question-and-answer points. Investigations are still underway and an official pronouncement of findings is still pending regarding Max's comments in response to a chatter's inquiry of his favorite snack and his response of "an alien bovine steak." The Holy Cow extremists have not as yet claimed responsibility for said incident.
National activist group MOO (Milk … but Only Ordinary), which also opposes rBHG as well as cow-tipping, has already begun planning a presidential protest to be held in the south pasture of the White House lawn later this month. The event will be open to MOO members, as well as all sympathizers to the cause of the Holy Cow.
In addition, residents of India who are opposed to impending NABWA retaliation efforts have begun daily protests in the capital city of New Delhi. Other related groups are threatening boycotts of all McDonald's franchises within the country's geographic boundaries which will purportedly have a significant dietary effect on the 1+ billion population.
Originally published February 21, 2009.
