You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.
You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
You call binoculars opera glasses.
You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
