@ +70 degrees
  Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
  People in Ohio go swimming in the Rivers.

  @ +60 degrees
  North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
  People in Ohio plant gardens.

  @ +50 degrees
  Californians shiver uncontrollably.
  People in Ohio sunbathe.

  @ +40 degrees
  Italian & English cars won't start.
  People in Ohio drive with the windows down.

  @ +32 degrees
  Distilled water freezes.
  Lake Erie water gets thicker.

  @ +20 degrees
  Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats.
  People in Ohio throw on a flannel shirt.

  @ +15 degrees
  Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
  People in Ohio have the last cookout before it gets cold.

  @ +10 degrees
  People in Miami all die...
  Buckeyes lick the flagpole.

  @ -20 degrees
  Californians fly away to Mexico.
  People in Ohio get out their winter coats.

  @ -40 degrees
  Hollywood disintegrates.
  The Girl Scouts in Ohio are selling cookies door to door.

  @ -60 degrees
  Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic.
  Ohio Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

  @ -80 degrees
  Mt. St. Helens freezes.
  People in Ohio rent some videos.

  @ -100 degrees
  Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
  Buckeyes get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

  @ -297 degrees
  Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
  Cows in Ohio complain about farmers with cold hands.

  @ -460 degrees
  ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
  People in Ohio start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

  @ -500 degrees
  Hell freezes over.
  The Browns win the Super Bowl!