You Know You're In Bakersfield Ca. When:
1. You have to explain to company from out of town what animal a "Tri-tip" comes from.
2. You buy salsa by the gallon.
3. Drivers think a red traffic light is just a suggestion.
4. All of your out-of-town friends start to visit after October, but clear out before the end of April.
5. Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."
6. You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
7. You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
8. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
9. You see more irrigation water on the street than in the river.
10. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
11. You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
12. Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way.
13. People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.
14. You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
15. You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
16. The pool can be warmer than you are.
17. You can make sun tea instantly.
18. You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
19. People with black cars or upholstery are assumed to be from out-of-town.
20. Hot air balloons can't go up because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
21. You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
22. The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
23. It's noon in July, the kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving in the streets.
24. You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
25. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Originally published July 01, 2004.
