On the other side of the equation are engaged Christians who are already sleeping together.  Because they know they’re outside of God’s plan for marriage, they feel guilty.  By hastening their marital legitimacy with a quick wedding, they hope that they can “cover up” the sin.  But the long-term ramifications of premarital sex – which include everything from role reversals between husband and wife to intense guilt and shame, which will affect every area of a marriage – can’t be fully understood until a couple is mired in the consequences.

So, if you are sleeping together (or tempting yourselves by going too far), then stop, repent and confess your sins to God and a trusted mentor.  Immediately.  It’s never too late to follow God’s will for your marriage – and even a short period of abstinence before your wedding, if it is guided by heartfelt repentance, will allow the Holy Spirit to restore your ruptured relationship with God.

Remind yourselves that this act of obedience is like any other area of our life that requires discipline.  Whatever you’ve accomplished, whether athletic, artistic or scholastic, has required discipline.  Staying out of bed is no different.  So put your trust in the power of the Holy Spirit for your sexuality by setting good boundaries.  Practice patience, one of the Scriptural definitions of love (1 Cor. 3:16).  Know that God can and will give you the necessary discipline to hold out a few more months – to love your beloved, without sex – especially if you’re using that time in godly ways.  Like any accomplishment you’ve ever made, it just takes some self-control and common sense.

Finally, sign up for premarital counseling – and not just a few token sessions, either.  You should, of course, meet with the pastor who will perform your wedding, who will likely want to advise you over a period of weeks or months.  But it’s rare these days for a minister to have the kind of time (or training) required to deal with the complex problems most couples face, once they start being honest about their issues. 

So look into a premarital preparation program, which can run as long as 12 weeks.  If need be, supplement with private sessions.  There are also a host of premarital retreats that you can explore together.  Don’t limit yourself to just one option.  The more, the merrier.

And remember: what better investment can you make than your future?  It’s a gift for generations to come – and you have only now to prepare. So prepare well.

This is Part One of a series written by Annabelle Robertson, a military chaplain’s wife and the author of “The Southern Girl’s Guide to Surviving the Newlywed Years: How to Stay Sane Once You’ve Caught Your Man.”  For more information about "The Southern Girl’s Guide" and to watch a video of Annabelle Robertson, please visit www.SouthernGirlsGuide.com.

To read Annabelle's blog in Crosswalk Weblogs, please click here.