Does this mean I need to put down my hair spray can and back away from the mirror?  Not necessarily. God made women to be beautiful to men. There’s nothing inherently wrong with seeking to be attractively feminine. The Bible certainly doesn’t back away from celebrating feminine beauty—one quick read through Song of Solomon confirms this statement. “How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!” (Song of Solomon 7:6). As Carolyn Mahaney writes, women should want to be attractive, especially to their husbands: “We need to discover what makes us attractive to our husbands. What clothing, hairstyles, or makeup do they find most appealing? And we should strive to care for our appearance—not only when we go out, but also at home where only our husbands see us.”  But as single women, we need to be mindful of the heart issues surrounding this topic—I think we can be tempted to swing from one extreme to the other when considering physical beauty. We either become a slave to the mirror or else we disdain it. As in most things, wisdom is found in the balance.

First, let’s consider something that can tempt older, single women—giving up. I remember talking years ago to an older woman who had decided that her man was going to pursue her only for her character. But looking at her, I wondered if she might do something to make it a little easier for that man to notice her character. She had that prematurely dowdy look going on. I kept thinking, “Give the brother a break! Try to make a little effort here.”

In a show aimed at single women, radio host Nancy Leigh DeMoss addressed this temptation with her listeners: “I've noticed that, frequently, women who are single for a long time become less feminine, at least in ways that are visible. Now, I'm not saying that's true of their heart, but I'm saying that in ways of appearance and manner, sometimes they become less feminine.”

I am not trying to be hard on anyone. Please don’t get discouraged. I know what it’s like to take on that “built for comfort, not for speed” look. I know what it’s like to get older and find your own body thwarting your efforts to exercise or your metabolism flat-lining. But men appreciate some effort being made. They notice a woman who takes the right kind of pride in her appearance, who wants to be womanly. You don’t have to be perfect, but feminine is good.

Philippians 2:4 tells us to look to the interests of others. Let’s consider our potential husbands for a moment. Men are wired to notice beauty in women, but our culture is steeped in a standard of beauty that isn’t even possible for the models themselves to have in real life—they are propped, styled, and digitized into otherworldly perfection. On top of that, godly men are negatively affected by the immorality of our culture. In real life and in the media, blatant sexuality and immorality are always but one averted gaze away. A godly man will do his best to avoid these pitfalls, of course, but consider how hard it must be for him not to be affected by our culture. In the midst of this barrage of flesh, we are asking Christian men to commit themselves to be faithful to one woman for the rest of their lives. Wouldn’t it bless them if we were the best we could be, both spiritually and physically? That perspective has propelled me to the gym many a time—and not just for reasons of vanity. I’m sure our future husbands would also appreciate healthy wives.