I'm convinced that if we taught teenagers and early twenty-somethings that they should determine their own sex drive and decide if they are "gifted" to tolerate a life without marriage, we'd see the virginity rate among unmarrieds skyrocket and once again men and women would give each other their virginity instead of adding another partner to the list and causing feelings of regret and pain. After all, It's not something that has to be considered very long. It's a simple question, in fact. "Do you want to live a life of celibacy or not?"

If you answer "no" then you are you just like Adam and Eve and do not have the gift of being permanently single. And once teenagers or twenty-somethings decide that they are not cut out for sex-free lives, they should discuss with their parents or mentors what age they would like to start seeking a spouse. That way, they have a time frame so that they don't feel that it is an indefinite wait. With a time frame in mind, they will likely be more successful at saving themselves for then.

Does this sound very old-fashioned to you? Well, I suppose Paul's idea of "marrying rather than burning with passion" might be considered old-fashioned to some. But it sounds very logical to me and seems to take sexual purity much more seriously than the "wait and see" method.

And if we are able to again create a culture that takes saving themselves for marriage seriously, then they will purposefully seek each other. They will ask perhaps even before the first date if the other person plans on getting married in the next few years.

So rather than sugar-coating single life as a "gift" that should be enjoyed, perhaps we should start determining if we even have the "gift" to tolerate that life. If we don't, let's take the sugar off the pill and get serious about finding a compatible partner with whom we can share our mind, body and soul in service to God.

Remember that you aren't looking for a so-called "soul mate" or a carbon copy of yourself. You are looking for someone who loves God, loves you and has similar life goals. God is a wise creator and has made us to be compatible with more than one person. So don't go looking for a Hollywood fantasy.

If you want to find a spouse, start by asking God. Then go to your minister or pastor and ask him if your church would consider joining with other churches to do as many in the Jewish faith do—have social events so that singles can mingle and get to know each other.

The Church used to do the same thing but, sadly, has stopped. I hope to see a revival of this. Also, find Christian singles in your area by using web sites designed to bring Christian singles together. The bottom line is, if you wait for it to come to you, you'll likely not find it. Remember, the Bible also says, "seek and you shall find" (Matthew 7:7).

It's time we started taking these things seriously.

Lee Wilson founded Real Christian Singles, an online community for Christian singles. He co-authored The Real Heaven: It's Not What You Think and is on staff at Family Dynamics Institute.