Women are wired to be receivers and men are wired to be givers. A socket is available for the plug. It is what it is, but it doesn’t pursue the plug. It is connected to all the things it should be connected to. Being open to making the connection is important where the woman is concerned.

Men’s initial and greatest fear is rejection. We have to be inviting and look approachable. Hidden attitudes can reveal themselves in our posture and expressions. Loosen up. Compliment the guy on his shoes so he knows it’s safe to talk to you. If he’s a boy and he’s waiting for you to run after him, that’s not someone you are going to want to be tied to long-term. If he’ s not aggressive in his pursuit of you, he will be passive in other important areas.

Let’s dissect your title. The first part of How to Make Love Work addresses how to find love. What’s your advice?

You’re going to have to do the work on yourself first, in your own heart and mind, about your expectations about love and what it takes to be good to you. Dating is for collecting data. You are collecting information to see if this person is qualified for courtship. Then, as friendship develops, you decide if you are going to be more intentional about pursuing a courtship. It tells you the things to look for and the things you need to flesh out as a couple and the maintenance that is required. Every day we choose to trust people who are not qualified to be life partners.

You also advise to readers how to keep love, once they’ve found a partner. Why do you refer to it as preventive maintenance?

People get to the altar and say, ‘I do’ and think, ‘I’m done. Now let me move on to the next goal on my list.’

There are some things that need to be in place to keep you from having problems. The basic things people need are patience, kindness and understanding, as well as the willingness to yield. If we are pursuing principles, sometimes we will lose the partner and the relationship in the process.

What about long-term maintenance?

Passion is important.  It’s great to like each other, but it’s nice to have the icing of passion. There should be anchors in relationships that pull you back to your original feeling. You should still have date night and traditions and things in your home that lead you back home.

Laughter is also key. It’s important to be able to laugh at ourselves and with one another.

Why do you advise readers not to make their mates their ‘everything’?

Your ‘everything’ should be everything you’ve already built into your life. That person should be a wonderful addition to that. (Otherwise) you are setting yourself up to be disappointed and for the relationship to fail. Giving that person permission to be who they are empowers them to be greater for you. It’s a delicate dance.