In addition, your children may have to forgive your ex, especially if there were any issues of abuse, an affair, or abandonment.

Are you attending a church that has programs for single parents, divorce recovery, and counseling that help single parents heal so they can integrate into the general congregation?

Some of the best help for handling dating and single parenting can be the modeling you receive from other healthy Christian single parents and from other parents in general. A local church is a great place to meet others who are at least desiring to live a more emotionally, spiritually, and morally healthy lifestyle. A local church is often a great resource for low-or no-cost counseling, recovery groups, and small groups that deal with specific issues. In addition, when you do begin dating, churches often have many safe social events. If a relationship progresses and you begin dating seriously, that same church can offer pre-engagement counseling. Your pastor, whom you now have a relationship with, can perform your wedding, and there will be follow-up help if the next relationship hits any stressful bumps in the new emotional road you’re traveling.

Do you have a childcare system in place so that your children are encouraged and ministered to when you socialize?

No one likes feeling left out or abandoned, especially children who might already feel like a parent has left them emotionally. This is common in single-parent homes. Make a plan for your dating life. Date on the weekends when the children are with the other parent. Create a single-parent baby-sitting co-op where single parents take turns creating a party-like atmosphere for the children. You’ll need to take your turn hosting a fun night for the kids. Or arrange to hire a consistent childcare provider who really cares for your children. Even a teen who is like an older brother or sister will help a child feel like they are in a family again. Older couples can act as surrogate grandparents (or the children’s actual grandparents can be a nice option as well). The important issues to consider are:

   • Does the child look forward to this childcare option?
   • Is it safe—emotionally, physically, and spiritually?
   • Does it buy you more time (not less) with your child?

Have you talked with the children about their feelings regarding you dating again?

After the children have settled into a new routine, the divorce is final, and you feel you have personally recovered and set a healthy plan for your dating life, then approach the children about your dating. If you have younger children, they might have already brought up the topic—often with some uncomfortable questions such as “Why don’t I have a dad?” and “Why don’t you get married again and get me a mommy?” Teens might make comments like “Mom, you need to get out once in a while.” However, don’t let your children’s concerns and questions be the determining factor on dating. Date when you and your children are both ready.