HONEST

Ask:  Does this person tell you the truth even when it’s hard? Does he/she communicate openly about his/her feelings, struggles, past, and failures? Does this person take responsibility for his/her actions (own up) when he/she does something wrong or hurtful? Does he/she ever twist the truth or minimize to get out of trouble or make himself/herself look better?
Remember:  Counting on your partner’s word in marriage is vital. In a dating relationship, there should be all the signs of honesty and openness. The person you are dating should be willing to open up and talk about the hard areas of his/her life, he/she shouldn’t try to hide or twist truth, and he/she should take responsibility when he/she does something wrong. He/she shouldn’t even be afraid to admit when he/she messes up.

WHOLE

Ask:  Does this person place his/her hopes, expectations, and emotional needs primarily in God? During difficult times does he/she try to fill up holes with the emotional support of other people (especially me)? Does he/she seem generally at peace or does he/she struggle with restlessness, addictions, or bad habits (alcohol, food issues or eating disorders, porn, drugs including prescriptions, over-spending, T.V., computer, sports, etc.)?
Remember:  The person you marry cannot depend on you to make them happy, or to be there for them all the time. Watch what he/she does with pain or boredom. Does he/she avoid it, stuff it, or deal with it? Is he/she afraid to be quiet and still? You should be able to see him/her go to God with his/her emotional needs and hurts. Placing too much hope in each other or turning to anything but God with pain and boredom will eventually doom a marriage because only God can fill those “black holes.” Only God can give true comfort, hope, and security.

SURRENDERED

Ask:  Is this person stubbornly pursuing his/her plans and goals, or does he/she frequently offer up his/her life to God and His plans?
Remember:  If the person you marry is living for himself or herself, you are not going to have the marriage God intended for you. Someone who is surrendered to God will open up doors for a great marriage adventure in God’s plan!

FORGIVING

Ask:  Does this person forgive and get over things easily? Does he/she treat people kindly who have hurt him/her in the past? Is there any area of bitterness or unforgiveness from his/her past that he/she has not dealt with that is frequently coming to the surface?
Remember:  A person who can’t forgive likely hasn’t connected with God’s forgiveness toward him/her. This person will bring bitterness into your marriage which will affect you, too. People who are forgiving recognize that God is ultimately in control, which frees them up to let go of offenses and be at peace. This will work in your favor when you have marital conflict!