“It seems like somehow Christian men are either painfully awkward in the approach or painfully awkward in not approaching,” writes one woman. “They are either way too forward in their approach (definite turnoff) or they hover forever, hoping maybe we'll take the lead. Non-Christian men just don't seem to have the inhibition most Christian men I've experienced seem to have, which is sad. I would just like Christian men to treat me like an attractive person they would like to get to know better, as opposed to either the elixir for their insecurities (‘Please just say yes’) or a long-term commitment if they ask me to coffee.” Perhaps the more awkward men could take cues from the following examples.

A young woman I know went to dinner with friends one night, and before leaving their waitress brought over a slip of paper. As she handed the paper to my friend, she said, “See that waiter over there? He’s cute, right? Well, he wanted me to give this to you.” She smiled and left the table. My friend unfolded the slip of paper and saw that it contained the guy’s name and phone number. She couldn’t stop talking about it all night. I asked her if she planned to call the guy, and she said yes. Flattering? Yes. Creepy? No. The way this guy handled it was tactful and classy, showing genuine interest but putting the right of refusal (or reciprocation) into the girl’s hands.

One time a man in a video store made eye contact with me. We both kept glancing at each other to the point where he approached me and casually asked if I had seen a particular movie, and could I recommend it. It was a nice gesture and had a natural feel to it. We bantered for a few minutes and might have exchanged emails (a far safer first-communication medium than phone numbers, in my opinion) but my youngest daughter walked up right then, and the situation quickly turned awkward. I mumbled something like “nice to meet you” and left the store knowing I would probably never see him again. Again, the approach was flattering but not creepy—and later I could have kicked myself for leaving the store without exchanging some medium of future contact. One love-and-dating expert who writes columns for Yahoo recommends that single men and women keep a modern-day “calling card” for just such a purpose.

Just Friends—or More?

Enough women in my survey mentioned guy friends they were interested in that it makes one Jane Austen scenario of particular interest for modern couples:  the classic scene in Emma (the movie) between the title character and her friend/neighbor, Mr. Knightley, when he finally declares his love. Prior to this scene, Emma has awakened to her feelings for Mr. Knightley, clued in by her own fierce jealousy upon learning that her friend Harriet Smith has designs on him. About the same time, Knightley, who has always been attentive and there for Emma, decides to step up his game and make his intentions known to her—he wants to be more than a friend to her. The next time they meet, the scene is charged with raw emotion—a new, awkward awareness of love on Emma’s part, and an eager attitude of entreaty of the part of Knightley. He begins to declare his love for her when she stops him, thinking he is about to divulge his love for Harriet instead.