What Does Her Body Language Say?

I said earlier that pursuit is very attractive to a woman, and this can definitely be true. Sometimes a guy who ordinarily wouldn’t turn our head suddenly gets taken seriously when he shows that he’s head over heels for us. However, there’s also a time when over-pursuit is a turnoff, and the simplest way to tell which “light” you’re receiving—green light or red light—is to read our nonverbal cues. Sure, no problem! I can hear you saying. Women are already confusing enough, and now you want us to read their minds? No, their bodies actually. Body language is a surefire way to know what someone is thinking or feeling toward you, and once you grasp a few basic guidelines, you’ll be better equipped to take their interest-temperature:  slightly chilly or a warming trend, freezing cold or smoking hot.

Nonverbal Cues That Say ‘Yes, I’m Interested’

• She gazes in your eyes with deep interest and her pupils are dilated.
• She raises both eyebrows exaggeratedly for a couple of seconds, combined with a smile and eye contact.
• She winks at you while talking to you or winks at you from a distance.
• While talking to you, she blinks more than usual, fluttering her eyelashes.
• Her smile reaches her eyes and looks natural and relaxed
• She tilts her head
• She plays with her hair while talking or listening to you (twirling a strand of hair, throwing her hair back off her shoulders, etc.)
• She fixes, pats, or smoothes her outfit while talking to you
• If her legs are crossed (while sitting), the upper leg is crossed toward you
• She is turned toward you, whether sitting or standing
• She plays with her jewelry
• She touches your arm, shoulder, or hand while talking to you
• She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours
• She speeds up or slows down her speaking to match yours
• She laughs in unison with you
• In a crowd she speaks only to you and focuses her undivided attention on you
• She mirrors your body language and body positions

Signs That Say ‘No’

• She never glances your way (across a room, in a crowd)
• She makes only fleeting eye contact
• She looks away quickly, eyes level
• Her posture is unchanged
• She does not preen or play with her hair in any way
• She turns her body away
• Her head remains vertical, her eyes neutral
• She maintains a neutral, polite face
• Her eyes appear normal or dull, no light
• She keeps her mouth closed
  

The words of one single woman who responded to my survey sums it up better than I ever could. “Men, please don’t be afraid to ask us out on a date. One date doesn’t mean it is a serious relationship. And ‘hanging out’ shouldn’t last very long. If you like us, ask us out. Be brave—we like that more than you know.”
 

 
A.J. Kiesling is the author of  Where Have All the Good Men Gone? (Harvest House) and the novel Skizzer (Revell).  A former contributing religion writer for Publishers Weekly, she has written more than a dozen books. 

You can reach her at www.ajkiesling.com or by e-mailing her at goodmengone@gmail.com.
 

**This article first published on May 15, 2008.