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More Than These
Hudson Russell Davis
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
I want to know. I have always wanted to know. Everything!!! But in my singleness I wanted most of all to know why love tarried. I was under the impression that given enough information, given the right answers I would be able to cope with my loneliness and rest peacefully in God’s arms.
The truth is I would not understand were He to explain all things to me. I would not grasp the mind of God should He open to me the gates of heaven. And I realized that it was a relationship I craved and not knowledge. What I wanted was for the sadness to end, for love to present herself. Knowing would never keep me warm. Knowing would not end the loneliness.
The desire to know was my way of controlling God. It was my way of harnessing the reckless nature of faith, of taming the mysterious God who causes the wind to blow. I won’t pretend that I don’t want to know why love shows me such disregard but the answer has ceased to be so important because I love Him and He loves me.
Our God loves us and desires to bless us and so we have hope. What we do not yet know is whether He plans to bless us with this particular gift—whether hope will be fulfilled and if so—when. That He desires to bless us, that He has already blessed us in myriad ways is unquestionable “for no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the ‘Amen’ is spoken by us to the glory of God” (2 Cor. 1:20).
It is simply no comfort to me to find formulas within Scripture that I can use to end this longing. It is no comfort to me to hear people, impressed with me, say, “Surely God will bless you.” Or some will say, “You deserve a wife.” I am aware of what I deserve and it is not a wife. I already have a promise in Christ that I will not get what I deserve. What I await is His gracious kindness.
In all cases and in every way it is God’s provision, God’s work through Christ. Therefore, I love and pursue righteousness because they are worthwhile pursuits and I trust God to bless in His time, in His way. I am not comfortable saying, “I don’t know.” I have been to seminary and, while I learned a great deal, while I am not equipped to answer many questions, I am very comfortable saying that there are things I just do not know.
What I dare not do is sit and wait for the blessing of a wife. What I dare not do is believe that some slick formula or five-step process will work magic for me where God’s grace has not. What I dare not do is begin the process of bargaining or manipulation to make God answer me—as though He were deaf or callous to my needs.
We must pray. We must act. We must prepare. But we dare not lose sight of our place in the family. He is the Father and we are the children and as children—we know the Father would never give us a stone when we ask for bread (Matt. 7:9).
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jlm015
12/9/2008 9:57 PM
What a timely article. I have been in a relationship that has not turned out to be what I had hoped. At the age of 48, I know the longing and the hope and the loneliness. I agree that our loneliness and longing will not be quenched by knowing why or knowing God's mind. As Hudson wrote, we can't comprehend the mind of God anyway -- if He were to tell us everything we think we want to know. Thanks for letting other singles know what the Lord has said to you. Yes, the question He always asks us is, do we love Him more than these? Do we, really? Sometimes I think it is through the very longing that He is calling me to Himself. Don't fight it, don't try to quench the thirst yourself. First, you cannot. But, more than that, we hide from Him by seeking to run our own lives and keep the loneliness or whatever the desire is at bay. The one Scripture the author mentioned that really spoke to me was that our loving Father will not give us a stone if we ask for bread. He does care.
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However, I took a clue from listening to myself, and got away from the second part of that, which implied I'm not worthy of a good woman. (Spare me from any other kind -- BTDT.)
Now, I see He is working on me. Perhaps it has to do with my call to be a minister; perhaps a wife; perhaps both.
But I am now convinced that when He is ready, and by His measure I am ready, and by His measure she is ready, it will all come together to our joy and for His glory.