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He Said-She Said: Should I Get Married While in Seminary?
Cliff Young & Laura MacCorkle
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer & Senior Editor
EDITOR’S NOTE: Each He Said-She Said column features a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you’ve got a question about anything related to singleness, please CLICK HERE to submit (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: I am currently in seminary. I am in the middle of my first year. I still have at least three-and-a-half years left. I have been dating my girlfriend for one year and three months and we want to get married, but seminary makes me not want to get married because my father says that once you're married, all your focus isn't on God but that it's also on someone else's life (Paul says this, not sure where). Now, what should I do? I'm 20 years old. I know I'm a bit too young, and I should wait at least a little longer until 22 maybe. How does this work though? I would have to date her for another four years pretty much and goodness, temptations are strong. Really, really strong. I don't want to mess up but then again, I don't want to ruin what God has for me here in seminary.
HE SAID: Your father is correct in saying marriage will cause you to divide your focus (and time) from solely being on God to being on God and your wife, as Paul attests, and as it should be if you are married.
In everything you do, I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man can’t do that so well. He has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided (1 Corinthians 7:32-34).
Paul follows up in verse 35 with, “I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” Another translation (NIV) says, “…but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
Despite the initial inference that Paul is denying singles to marry, he explains the reason for saying this is not to restrict us, but rather for our benefit. Paul had lived a life divergent to how God wanted and another life directly in line with what God desired (with undivided devotion to Him). His wisdom, although contrary to the hope of many singles, comes from the experience of both.
Your struggle is not exclusive to single seminary students. The application of leading a life with undivided devotion to the Lord is a battle for everyone, regardless of one’s marital status, sex, age, or occupation. Every person claiming to be a follower of Christ must discover their own calling and direction for and throughout their life. In order to find the answer, we must repeatedly ask ourselves, and prayerfully ask the Lord questions like these ...
Most Recent User Comments
kevdawg77
3/10/2009 10:06 AM
I think that communication is key in establishing expectations BEFORE you wed. Certain things are just assumed when it comes to marriage, and then once you're in, viewpoints differ, and cause unnecessary arguments, where if certain things are discussed and resolved during courtship, then confusion can be avoided. Certainly what Jorge said about your intended understanding your destiny comes into play. This is the time for you to seek God without concern for a wifes needs, but should you choose to marry rather than to burn, then you two definitely need to come to an understanding on not only this issue, but finances, children, and career goals, etc. You may find that you don't even want to be away from your wife once you marry, and if the amounts of required reading and 20 page term papers interfere with your intimacy out of the gate, then you'll find either you slacking in your studies, or leaving your wife alone for long periods of time. Food for thought. . .
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youthrev
2/25/2009 10:06 PM
I met my wife after college and we dated for 3 years before getting married. I proposed after I had been accepted to seminary. We got married, came back from our honeymoon, and packed up to drive the 600 miles to our new life together. I started seminary and she finished college. I was 25 at the time of our wedding, but we both did well in school, even though we were both working full-time and in school full-time. I believe if you are desiring to follow Christ, he will guide you into making wise choices. In our time in seminary together, we learned so much about God's provision and faithfulness to us. He provided in such a way that we graduated debt-free.
jorgesc
2/18/2009 6:27 PM
I hope that the young man who wrote this question is truly seeking God first and foremost in his life. If the woman he seeks to marry is going to help him get closer to God, then I believe he should marry her. Many people don't remember what is written in the Old Testament in regards to this topic. We must remember what God said when he first established the nation of Israel and gave them his laws and commandments. In those laws, God spoke to the sons of Aaron (the very first priests besides Aaron)in regards to what type of woman they were supposed to marry. For you see, in the beginning, one could only become a priest by bloodline, thus, if God's priests did not marry, the priesthood would have died with them. Therefore, I believe that God actually encourages us to marry. However, we must be very careful of who we choose to be our spouses. I don't have the specific book name or verse numbers to back up my point but I will rewrite another feedback later with proof of my point.
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