I want to help you develop a way of meeting people that will allow you to get beyond the first six or eight dimensions to get to know persons at a deeper level, so you will possibly meet that diamond in the rough with whom you can have a fabulous relationship down the line.

First of all, I would like for you to take ten empty 8.5x11 sheets of paper and on the top of each of these sheets, I want you to write a word. These ten words come from my book, Finding the Love of Your Life. On the top of the first sheet I want you to write the word "Personality." On the top of the second sheet, "Intelligence." On the top of the third sheet, "Appearance." On the fourth sheet, "Ambition." On the top of the fifth sheet, "Chemistry." On the top of the sixth sheet, "Spirituality." On the top of the seventh sheet, "Character." On the top of the eighth sheet, "Creativity." The ninth sheet, "Parenting." The tenth sheet, "Authenticity."

Now what I want you to write under each of these words is everything you can think of about the person you’d like to spend the rest of your life with that has to do with this word that you’ve placed at the top of the sheet. For instance, under the word "Personality" on your sheet, would you like your mate to be quiet and somewhat shy or talkative and gregarious? Which of those attract you? Would you prefer your person to be intense and logical or kind of laid back and easygoing? Would you like her, or him, to be funny or serious? Would you like them to be strong and independent or someone who leaves the decision making totally up to you? Do you prefer that they be soft or tough? I want you to write down everything you can think of that relates to personality.

When you get done with these ten sheets, I want you to go back and read over all of these things that you’ve written on each of the ten sheets and I want you to list the ten most important things that you’ve written down on each of the sheets. Finally, I want you to go through the ten sheets and I want you to find the ten most critical things out of all the sheets that you are looking for in a potential mate.

I bet you’re going to find that a number of these ten things are simply not available to you to assess when you’re just meeting a person for the first time for three minutes. The possibility is that many of these ten things turn out to be from the inside of the person. They have to do with their character, their spirituality. They are things that, when you just see a person and you pass them day by day, unless you get to know them, you won’t know whether they have these things or not.

Reprogramming your brain. Reestablishing the importance of internal factors. By following the above exercise you can make sure that you don’t become a part of the Hollywood hoax that would encourage you to look for superficial, external criteria and eliminate all persons who do not fall within these categories. This new perspective will allow you to maximize the size of your candidate pool and therefore establish a greater possibility for selection of a person with whom you can be genuinely happy for the rest of your life.


The eHarmony Research Library is a branch of eHarmony.com™, North America's most successful Relationship Building Service. Our precise technology searches a database of 500,000 persons to find truly compatible matches. Then, eHarmony's guided communication system helps you meet and get to know each other in an appropriate, in-depth manner.  Click HERE to learn more about eHarmony.