If you ask a successful couple about the recipe for their success, you will usually receive a simple "because we are in love." But if you scratch the surface you'll find that the motivations behind romantic relationships are far more complex. Many complicated situations and needs, some more beneficial than others, are behind the decision to pursue a relationship and marriage.

Research has shown that some motivations improve a relationship's chances for success, while others reduce those chances. The reasons we have for pursuing a relationship derive from internal and external sources, and it's important to be aware that they are as much a part of your happiness as the emotions you have.

I would like to briefly outline five of these negative motivations-reasons that researchers term "deficits"-that are internal in nature, which we should strive to avoid when making a decision to pursue a relationship seriously.

1. Love at first sight may seem like a reason to pursue a relationship, but it's not a good predictor of marital success. Of course, strong feelings of attraction can occur early in a relationship, but such feelings alone provide a weak foundation for a long-lasting relationship. For example, look at the many Hollywood marriages, ignited on the studio lot, that break up after only a year or two of wedded misery.

2. Rebounding also hurts chances for a relationship's longevity. It's been proven that people fall in love more easily when on the rebound. Research has shown that, after a breakup, people suffer from low self-esteem and are far less discriminating in choosing a partner because they're trying to cope with their loss. Pursuing a serious relationship while on the rebound is undesirable because the relationship occurs as a reaction to a previous partner, rather then being based on real love for your new partner.  

3. Rebellion may lead some into serious mismatch when choosing a partner. For example, getting even with one's parents by choosing someone they do not like is not uncommon, but it's always costly. The truth is that parental interference increases feelings of romantic attraction between partners-social psychologists call it the "Romeo and Juliet effect." As with choosing a relationship on the rebound, the relationship formed out of rebellion is a response to someone else (one's parents), rather than to one's partner.