Fruit #1: Confidentiality

A Jewish publication ran an advertisement dominated by a drawing of a very stern-looking, bearded rabbi of the nineteenth century, the Chofetz Chaim, who wrote a book about gossip called Guard Your Tongue.  At the bottom of the page was a “hot-line” number to call anonymously if you have information about someone’s potential marriage, business dealings, or whatever.  A rabbi at the other end will tell you whether your gossip is important enough to pass along.  If not, you are counseled to guard your tongue.

Interesting, isn’t it?  The advertisement reveals as much about the state of our relationships as it does about our propensity for gossip.  Who among us hasn’t been hurt by a broken confidence?  It usually begins when your friend says to someone: “You have to promise you won’t tell Brenda I told you this because she made me swear not to tell anyone…”  It sounds very confidential.  But then why are they telling you the secret? They appear to be keeping a secret but aren’t. 

Jesus understood this when he said, “Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops.” 

We’ve all shared private and personal information with a trusted friend, only to learn later that our friend has blabbed it to the world. But does this mean we can’t expect anyone to keep their mouth closed?  No.  Not if they’re healthy. 

We need to tell secrets our secrets.  It helps us explore what’s troubling us and sometimes leads to helpful feedback.  Sharing our secrets lets us test the reaction to what we’ve been holding in our heart.  Not only that, it’s a relief not to be the only person who has experienced a certain temptation or tragedy.  It makes us feel less alone when we unburden our soul and a friend says “me too” or “I understand.” 

Sharing a secret can bring us closer together and deepen our relationship – but only if the relationship is healthy.  Healthy people consider it a privilege to hear what’s on our mind, and they leave it at that.  When it comes to keeping a confidence, healthy people are a human vault.