Lisa went in to tell me how meticulous Jenny can be when trying to figure out a shared bill at a restaurant. She told me about the time it took an extra 10 minutes to pay for parking at a downtown garage because she wanted to make change for splitting the bill.
“How does Jenny respond when you talk to her about being so stingy?”
“Talk to her?!” she exclaimed. “I’ve never brought the subject up. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
Lisa and I spent the next several minutes exploring how much she valued her relationship with Jenny. Turns out, they were “best friends.” But here she was, on the brink of tossing away an eight-year friendship because she didn’t want to hurt Jenny’s feelings.
In other words, the one friendship she cared more about than any other was about to go under because she couldn’t speak the truth.
Fortunately, with a little advice and coaching, Lisa mustered up the courage to confront Jenny on this annoying habit and the problem began to slowly reverse itself. The point to be learned here is that friends who do not care enough to confront may save themselves a little awkwardness in the present, but they will end up losing their friendships in the future. A healthy relationship is built on honesty.
Healthy people aren’t afraid to be honest, and they aren’t afraid to be themselves. They follow Emerson’s advice: “Better be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo.” Translation: Speak the truth, because if you are afraid of making enemies, you’ll never have good friends.
