Fruit #3: Personal space

Emotionally needy people don’t understand the meaning of space.  They mother and smother us with their very presence.  Their constant connecting becomes oppressive – if not possessive.  This kind of person has no appreciation for what C.S. Lewis meant when he said: “"In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out." 

In other words, Lewis recognized the need for space in a healthy relationship.  He saw the need for multifaceted relationships that help us shine where another friend, even a close one, simply is not able.  This is one of the marks of a space-free relationship: Each person relinquishes a possessive hold to enable the cultivation of other relationships.

Along this same line, a healthy relationship respects serenity.  It recognizes the value of a thoughtful silence and a private retreat.  Philosopher and author Henry David Thoreau once said, “I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” 

Let’s face it: There are times in everyone’s life when we need to be alone – times when we need to gather our wits and allow our soul to catch up.  Healthy people understand this.  Part of self-giving love means we provide space, when needed, for the companion of solitude to enter a relationship.  Of course, we also know when to return, when to break the silence and rejoin the other person’s journey.

All of us need space for the companion of solitude but, even more, we need to be in relationship.  After all, it is this very space and separation provided by a healthy relationship that draws us back to a full appreciation of the relationship.

Fruit #4: Humor