A friend sent me a magazine focused on a health problem she and I once had. I was surprised that an entire publication was devoted to the topic, for it's not life threatening. But I was even more struck by a thread that ran through every article: The writers seemed to define themselves by this problem. And I couldn't stop thinking, "It just doesn't have to be that way."

This is true for every circumstance in life. We don't have to allow any situation to define us. Better to let our relationship with God define us. Yet we singles sometimes do what the writers of that magazine did: We allow our circumstances to determine - and often hinder - our effectiveness.

There's no escaping it: Your response to your singleness matters in ministry. That response will influence your effectiveness in the Kingdom, for we "train" people how to treat us by the way we treat our circumstances.

If I view my singleness as God's punishment, an ailment that needs to be "healed," or a season in which I am just killing time, or as a barrier to ministry, people will view it - and eventually me - in that way.

If I permit my singleness to define me, my friends will never look beyond the label either. If I'm not confident of who I am in Christ and what He can do through me as His daughter - married or not - others will not see it. And my ministry will be limited by the limits I have set for myself.

Granted, there are definite disadvantages to being single in women's ministry and limits beyond your control. For one, if you have never been married, you can't teach from experience on marriage and family issues - which means you must measure your words on those topics so your credibility isn't questioned. And yes, certain people may be so biased against singles that they try to detour your ministry. But I've found that, most of the time, if I don't treat my marital status as a hindrance, others don't either.

You can minimize any disadvantages by seeking to compensate for the differences in life experience. That happens by: