It is in dating that we discover that every woman has a mother and a father, and so does every man.  Known or unknown, living or dead, our parents have influenced us and thus profoundly affected who we are.  The popularity of Alex Haley's book "Roots" and the television series based on it give evidence that we are all connected with our past.  In the dating relationship we have the potential for excavating these roots.  Every person has a personal history that has also greatly influenced him or her.  In the context of dating, these histories are shared.

Why is dating important?  Because it gives us a means of connecting with others as persons.  Our society increasingly pushes us to live in cocoons, but our isolation has brought us to growing levels of loneliness, emptiness, and sometimes desperation.  However, this isolation need not be a permanent prison.  Dating is an acceptable way of breaking out of isolation and connecting with others.

Jenny, a very reserved, almost shy single, did not date in high school and only dated twice in college.  However, upon graduation and landing her first job, she began to attend a singles group in a local church.  She took the opportunity to go out for dessert with a smaller group and in this context met Brent.  They had been dating for three months when Jenny said to me, "I don't know why I waited so long to start dating.  It feels so good to be getting to know someone else and letting him know me."  Jenny has taken a giant step in getting to know people as persons.

Seeing Our Strengths and Weaknesses

A second purpose of dating is to aid in the development of one's own personality.  All of us are in process.  Someone has suggested that we ought to wear signs around our necks reading "Under construction."

As we relate to others in the dating context, we begin to see various personality traits exhibited.  This provokes healthy self-analysis and brings greater self-understanding.  We recognized that some traits are more desirable than others.  We come to see our own strength and weaknesses.  The knowledge of a weakness is the first step toward growth.

The fact is all of us have strengths and weaknesses in our personalities.  None of us is perfect.  Maturity is not flawlessness.  However, we are never to be satisfied with our present status of development.  If we are overly withdrawn we cannot minister freely to others.  If, on the other hand, we are overly talkative we may overwhelm those whom we would help.  Relating to those of the opposite sex in a dating relationship has a way of letting us see ourselves and cooperate in God's plan for growth for our lives.

A number of years ago a very talkative young man said to me, "I never realized how obnoxious I must be until I dated Sally.  She talks all the time, and it drives me batty."  The light had dawned; his eyes were opened.  He saw in Sally his own weakness and was mature enough to take steps toward growth.