For him this meant curbing his speech and developing his listening skills, a prescription written in the first century by one of the apostles in the Christian church.  "My dear brothers, take note of this:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."3  What we dislike in others is often a weakness in our own lives.  Dating can help us see ourselves realistically.

Changing personality weaknesses is not always easy.  Jenny, whom we met earlier, realized that her shyness was detrimental in building relationships with others.  Upon graduation from college, she decided to get personal counseling.  It was here that she gained insight and encouragement to take steps in the right direction.  The first of those was to attend a singles group at a local church.  The second was to push herself to go out with a smaller group for dessert.  What was more difficult for Jenny was learning how to share her ideas in that small group, to talk about herself and let people know about her college experience and her present vocation.

It took about six months for her to develop the courage to ask Brent over for dinner, which was the first step in developing their relationship.  Once they started dating, Jenny sensed that Brent was someone she could trust.  With encouragement from her counselor, she began to share with Brent the details of her history.  His interest in listening encouraged her to proceed.  In the early stages, her counselor encouraged her to write down the things that she would tell Brent that night and the questions she would ask him about his life.  By writing it down beforehand, Jenny had the courage to follow through.  Change takes effort, but it is effort well invested.

Practice in Serving Others

A third purpose of dating is that it provides an opportunity to serve others.  Service is life's highest calling.  History is replete with examples of men and women who discovered that humanity's greatest contribution is in giving to others.  Who does not know of Mother Teresa?  Her name is synonymous with service.  In Africa there are Albert Schweitzer and in India, Mohandas Gandhi.  Most people who have studied closely the life of Jesus of Nazareth, the first-century founder of the Christian faith, agree that His life can be summarized by His simple act of washing the feet of His disciples.  He Himself said, "[I] did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give [My] life as a ransom for many."4  He instructed His followers, "Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant."5  True greatness is express in serving.

I do not mean to convey the idea that dating should be done in a spirit of martyrdom – "Poor ol' me.  I have to do this service as my duty," or "If I serve this guy, maybe he will like me."  Ministry is different from martyrdom.  Ministry is something we do for others, whereas martyrdom is something others bring upon us.