I will admit it.  If courting worked out in practice the way it looks on paper, you could count me in.  But what concerns me most about the courtship movement as I've seen it is that it lends itself to a strange form of idolatry.  Advocates of courtship are understandably passionate about their system – so much so that they often try to convert daters to courters with an evangelistic zeal.  Unintentionally, the courting system itself can become so important to courters that God is deemphasized.  On the other hand, while courting and betrothal are often selective in applying Scripture, many dating models ignore or neglect major biblical principles.  Dating relationships typically operate with few thought-out guidelines.  Many who date take a largely passive approach.  And few who date could give a biblical justification of what they are doing.  Often the issue is not one of interpreting the Bible; they are not even using the Bible.  Sadly, much of the literature describing and defending dating is built more on love stories than biblical instruction.⁴² 

Not all dating relationships or the books promoting them are bad or unbiblical.  It is an unfair and unfounded criticism of dating to say that if one dates, one is sinning.  Nowhere does the Bible indicate that an unengaged couple spending time together is a sin – unless they are committing fornication.  Countless couples have enjoyed Christ-exalting marriages resulting from Christ-honoring dating relationships.  Who you are in your character as a result of being in Christ is more important than whether you date or court.  Josh Harris' thoughts are helpful:

What I hope you see is that avoiding lawlessness and legalism is far more important than whether we use the word dating or the word courtship. 

I happen to like the term courtship.  It's old-fashioned, but it evokes romance and chivalry.  I use it to describe not a set of rules, but that special season in a romance where a man and woman are seriously weighing the possibility of marriage.  I think it's helpful to distinguish between undefined and directionless romances (what I said goodbye to) and a romantic relationship that is purposefully headed towards marriage.  But the fact that I use the word courtship to describe my relationship with Shannon doesn't make me holier than people who don't. 

None of us should allow a debate over words to distract us from what really matters in relationships.  "Dating versus courtship" isn't the point.  I've known "serial courters" who lived like the devil and "saintly daters" guided by integrity and holiness.  In and of themselves, the terms they used to describe their relationships were meaningless.  The way they lived is what really mattered.  Terms don't define our lives; our lives define our terms.⁴³