The Ten Principles for a God-Centered Relationship

1. The Character Principle

It is the pattern and practice of God to judge a man's or woman's true character by looking inside at what is in the heart.  Externals reveal only so much about the true person.  If we are to be faithful imitators of our heavenly Father, evaluation of a potential spouse should be based first on character.

The Character Principle is about being the right person more than finding the right person.  If your character is being conformed more and more into the image of Christ, you will desire the right kind of person.  There are numerous texts informing the believer how to live a life that pleases God.  The second chapter of Titus is an exemplary passage that gives a blueprint for training the character of succeeding generations.  Because it speaks to both men and women, it provides a succinct summary of what God desires for our lives.

Paul was instructing Titus how to put things in order in the church (see Titus 1:5).  An important part of getting the church in order was to ensure that older believers were discipling younger believers to be men and women of godly character.  Much of the apostle's instruction to Titus as both a pastor and a young man was directly related to relationships.  As he addressed the older men and women, a clear example of godly character came into view.  And as he spoke about the next generation, a clear exhortation of godly character emerged:

Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.  Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine.  They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.  Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.  Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. (Titus 2:2-8)

Notice that godly character is a product of spiritual discipleship.  One of the best ways to prepare for a marital relationship is to maintain a mentoring relationship with an older, wiser, and godlier member of the same sex.

In addition to what Paul told Titus, godly character consists of qualities such as humility (see Philippians 2:3-11), holiness (see 1 Peter 1:14-17), godly love (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-8), selflessness (see James 3:14), the fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-25), and, of course, Christlikeness (see Ephesians 4:13).

The Character Principle has another dimension:  recognition.  Not only should godly character be pursued personally, but it should also be recognized in anyone a person might date or court.  King Lemuel crystallized the Character Principle with his contrasting words: