Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.  (Proverbs 31:30)

2. The Conformation Principle

One of the many potholes of recreational dating is that it often finds affirmation and confirmation from the wrong sources.  I know that many who date submit themselves humbly and willingly to the authorities in their lives, but sadly, many others do not.  The Confirmation Principal is the commitment to submit one's life and relationships to the spiritual scrutiny of God's authority, care, and protection represented here on earth.  Who are these authorities?  Let me outline three.

Parental Confirmation.  God has given parents authority over their children (see Exodus 20:12; Leviticus 19:3; Deuteronomy 21:18-21; 27:16; Matthew 15:4; Romans 1:28-32; Ephesians 6:1-2; 2 Timothy 3:1-5).  Therefore, to ignore this authority is to ignore God.  But what does this mean in premarital relationships? 

First, parents should be involved from the beginning.  Many parents desire to be involved with all aspects of a relationship in the initial stages, including who is to be pursued and considered for marriage.  Unfortunately, some do not.  Regardless, it should be the heart of a son or daughter to submit his or her decisions about relationships to his or her parents.  This involves getting their thoughts, listening to their concerns, proceeding at their pace, and applying the brakes if they say, "Wait" or "stop."  But what if you and your parents disagree?  Ravi Zacharias shares this wisdom:  'The chances are that if you marry someone in violation of your parents' will, you are playing a high-stakes game as you enter your new future.  Any time you violate an authority that has been put in place by God, you need to be twice as sure you are doing the right thing."⁴⁵  How can you know if you are doing the right thing?  There is another level of authority.

Church Affirmation.  One of the most neglected sources of wisdom in the Christian life is church leaders.  Pastors, elders, deacons, and other leaders should be intricately involved in any budding relationship.  This is especially important if the parents are deceased, far away, or out of the picture for other reasons.  It is a curious fact that more is said about the role of church leaders in our lives than even the role of our parents (see Ephesians 4:11-16; 1 Timothy; 2 Timothy; Titus; Hebrews 13:7, 17).  Only a fool would disregard this arm of God's authority.

I am often asked what should be done if there is a disagreement among children and their parents about relational issues.  Paul answer this in principle in 1 Corinthians 6.  Two believers were having a disagreement they could not resolve, and it resulted in a lawsuit.  As the apostle shames them for appealing to a secular court, he makes the passing comment that disputes among believers ought to be resolved by wise leaders in the church (see 1 Corinthians 6:4-6).  This is true of relational disagreements as well.