Men and women communicate differently.  Learning to clearly say what you mean and to hear what is really being said is more of an art than a science.  But there is a key:  humility.  If you really want to be a better communicator and listener, put the focus of your communication on the other person.  Use wisdom in talking about yourself.  Beware of the person who likes to talk only about himself or herself.  And especially pay attention to how much that person speaks based on a foundation of Christ's gospel.

It's simple.  We talk about what is important to us.  So let Jesus flavor what you say and how you say it.  And listen carefully for the sounds of the Savior when you listen to that person you are interested in.

10. The Chastity Principle

One question I am regularly asked by people in romantic relationships is, "How far can we go physically?"  The problem is that this question is fundamentally wrong.  Another way of phrasing it is, "How close can we get to sin without getting into trouble?"  The Chastity Principle involves asking another question altogether:  "How holy can we be?"

Physical affection is a privilege of the marriage commitment.  Said another way, sex is God's wedding gift, and He doesn't want the present touched until after the wedding!  So what does that mean?  What about holding hands, hugging, kissing and so on?  Two important texts need our attention:

Flee from sexual immorality.  Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.  Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?  You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So glorify God in your body (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

For this is the will of God, your sanctification:  that you abstain from sexual immorality. (1 Thessalonians 4:3)

From these passages, God's counsel about physical affection can be discerned.  Sexual sin is prohibited, uniquely offensive to God, damaging, against God's will, a violation of the Holy Spirit's presence, and a sinful use of your body that was bought by the blood of Jesus.

These passages raise another rissue that must be tackled:  What does it mean to defraud a person in a relationship?  First Thessalonians 4:3-7 is a warning against sexual sin.  Paul says that immorality is against God's will (see verse 3), a lack of self-control (see verse 4), characteristic of an undredeemed life (see verse 5), sin against a brother (see verse 6), and a lightning rod for God's personal vengeance (see verse 6).

Verse 6 says that to commit to sexual sin is to "transgress and wrong his brother in this matter."  Some translations use the word defraud for the word wrong (KJV, NASB).  The word translated defraud (pleonektein), means "to take advantage of," "to claim more," or "to have more than one's due."⁵¹  Note that the object of the verb is "his brother."