Next, we must be willing to listen to our trusted support network. It is one thing to establish trusted friends, but quite another to listen to them. Trusted friends, with an unbiased perspective, can offer invaluable information. You don’t have to take their advice, of course, but if several voices offer the same concern, it’s time to take notice. If you’re still reeling from unhealed wounds, or love addiction, you may gloss over another’s weaknesses. You’ll need good counsel to discover and heal from this pattern. Do you have an open and teachable spirit?

Having cultivated objectivity, studying and understanding old patterns, make deliberate efforts to see the totality of the other person. Look at this other person as objectively as possible. What are their strengths/weaknesses? What do they bring to the relationship? Do they bring skills and qualities that compliment you?

If you are struggling to decide whether a person is right for you, it can be helpful to make a list of their strengths and weaknesses. Prayerfully consider this list. Ask God to give you insight and conviction about the relationship. When we ask God for wisdom, thankfully He promises to give it to us generously (Proverbs 2).

If you are in a relationship that feels healthy and mature, but are overly critical, forever finding faults, consider seeking professional help for your perfectionism. It is quite likely that you are demanding of yourself and project those same demands on your mate. Acceptance, of yourself and your mate, may be your tasks. Granting grace to yourself and your mate may be worthy goals. 

Are you really ready for love? Don’t answer too quickly. To be ready for love you must be willing to accept your mate for who they are, warts and all. You must be able to see the other person for exactly who they are—no more, and no less. When you can honestly love their warts, and insist that they love yours, you may be ready for love. 
      
 
  

David Hawkins, Pd.D., has worked with couples and families to improve the quality of their lives by resolving personal issues for the last 30 years. 

He is the author of over 18 books, including Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage, Saying It So He'll Listen, and When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You. His book, When the Man in Your Life Can’t Commit, released in February 2006. Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.