Scott Peck, in his book, The Road Less Traveled, says that love means seeking the best for the other person. Love means wanting the other’s highest good. The Apostle Paul said love “is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13: 5).

Love, real love, takes work. It takes a tenacious attitude toward creating an atmosphere in your relationship where love will prosper, not simply survive. It is not enough to buy your mate a card on Valentine’s Day and a special gift for his/her birthday. Real love takes action—seven days a week.

Let me offer you a few action steps to consider as you determine if you are really ready to fiercely pursue love.

One, say what you feel. Learn the language of e-motions—energy in motion. Practice telling your mate, every day, what you feel, think and want. Learn to share the broad variety of emotions: sadness, happiness, joy, ecstasy, disappointment, frustration. Revealing these inner tides of emotions is a way to endear yourself to your mate.

Two, really listen to your mate. Don’t simply listen for the obvious. Listen for what is said, and what is not said that lingers below the surface. Help your mate give expression to what they really want to say.

Three, ask for what you need. Be willing to risk asking your mate for what you want. Perhaps you want more time with them—ask for it. Perhaps you want a lovely candlelight dinner out at your favorite French restaurant – ask for it. Perhaps you want to attend a different church service together—ask for it.

Four, share what really makes you feel loved. Don’t be reluctant to sit down with your mate and share, again, those things that are very special and make you feel especially loved. Encourage him, or her, to do the same. Make a vow to do those things that make each other feel loved.

Finally, celebrate every day together. Find ways to make each encounter special. Eat meals together. Pray together. Take walks together. Do not lose sight of the fact that each day, each moment, is a gift. It is a gift to be with one another, not to be taken for granted.

Are you ready to show your mate, in words and actions, that they are very special to you? If so, you may really be ready for love.

  
 
David Hawkins, Pd.D., has worked with couples and families to improve the quality of their lives by resolving personal issues for the last 30 years. 

He is the author of over 18 books, including Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage, Saying It So He'll Listen, and When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You. His book, When the Man in Your Life Can’t Commit, released in February 2006. Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.