Step #4:  Become passionate about others. People talk about crowns in heaven. Do you know what they are? According to the Bible, your crowns are other people. Are you spending yourself in service to others? Are you investing in others? Is the world around you — at home, at work, at school, at church, in the community – at least a little better because of your drive to make it so? Are you practicing on your parents and siblings, who can probably be rather unlovable at times? Even if you have a lot of head knowledge about the Bible, do you have the heart knowledge that goes with it? Do you know that “knowledge inflates with pride, but love builds up” (1 Corinthians 8:1)? If you don’t have the humility to “consider others better than yourselves,” you’re not ready for serious relationship. Most people who get married don’t have that humility, so their relationships are all about rights and resentment. You can do a lot better than that.

Step #5:  Become passionate about your responsibilities. Mark Twain said, “I never let my schooling interfere with my education.” Are you pouring yourself into your studies, both in school and otherwise, so you can say, like the people said to Nehemiah, “We assume the responsibility” (Nehemiah 10:32)? Are you looking for the work and career that will resonate with your soul? Have you refused to absorb the lies, like the idea about “full-time Christian work” (if you’re a Christian, all work is), and “I’m just working to get money so I can serve God”) (the work is a big part of your service; see Colossians 3:17), and “it’s not all supposed to be enjoyable – that’s why the call it work” (joy is a choice, not just an emotion)? Have you learned that your work can be an expression of the best that is in you? If you’re waiting for teachers or parents or bosses or friends to give you a push on your responsibility, you’re ready for training, not serious relationship. God wants you to “be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your process.”

Step #6:  Find a greater cause. Have you found something bigger than yourself that you can devote yourself to? Have you at least made a stab at the questions about impact (“what am I here to change?”), significance (“what am I here to build?”), and legacy (“what do I want to leave behind – when I graduate? When I leave my first job? When I die?”)? Are you certain that the daily drumbeat of life and the friction and demands of relationships won’t take you off your deepest reasons for being here? These reasons can change or blossom over time, but if you want to be someone special, someone whose life counts for something, the time to start is now – not after high school or college, at some unidentified time down the road when you’re older. If you don’t have some outstanding reason to be here, your life will be too insignificant to have any outstanding relationships.