“Well,” she said softly. “He pushes for more but isn’t willing to commit. I don’t like that. He wants the freedom to date other people. And then there’s the issue of his drinking. I try to ignore it, but I suspect that would be a problem for us.”

“You’re picking up danger signs. He is clearly applying the brakes to your relationship, yet wants to take advantage of your vulnerability. And, he has shared danger signs about his history with alcohol – and the fact that he still drinks.”

“This is exactly what my friends tell me. I was pretty sure I’d hear the same thing from you. But finding a good guy is incredibly hard. I am so tired of looking for Mr. Right.”

I sensed Sheila’s struggle. She enjoyed spending time with Steve. He enjoyed spending time with her. But, he pushed for a physical relationship without any commitment. And, he was a practicing alcoholic!

Interested? Yes.

Ready to move forward? No.

Ready to deal with his alcohol issues? No. 

Perhaps you can relate to Sheila’s plight. She is fifty and lacking self-confidence. She wants a man in her life and is tempted to compromise and ignore danger signals. Let’s consider her options. ...

1. She can disregard the danger signs about his alcohol use and reluctance to get more involved. But by doing so, she will risk having her heart broken. She can move forward, becoming more physically and emotionally involved while prolonging the inevitable Day of Reckoning, facing monumental pain and feelings of rejection.
   

2. She can hope to change his mind. She can believe that he will fall madly in love with her, pursue her with passion, commit himself to her and live happily ever after in her arms. In this fantasy, he quits drinking and seeks counseling for his alcohol abuse.
   

3. She can try to enjoy the relationship for what it is. She can be honest with herself about his alcohol problems and distancing maneuvers. She can compromise her values and struggle with guilt and inevitable shame. She can decide that what he offers is enough for her – at least for now.
   

4. She can heed the danger signals and bid Steve farewell. She can thank him for the wonderful times and wish him well. She can pray for new opportunities to meet a man who can truly satisfy her desires to be loved and respected.

The Scriptures are filled with danger signs God has given for our protection. Warnings are not placed in our lives to spoil all the fun but to increase our safety and joy.

The Apostle Paul offers a prayer of power and wisdom that could be very helpful to Sheila – and perhaps you.

“I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come” (Ephesians 1:18-21).